Monday, August 18, 2008

One NASTY feeling !!!!!

It was a friend’s Birthday (a very special day for my friend), it was the day when my favorite sir’s farewell party was thrown (he wouldn’t be with us in Bangladesh for the next 6 years), it was the day when another great friend of mine wanted to give her birthday treat to specific 4 of her team mates (no one would ever fucking understand how strong a relationship we have developed since the time we started working together as a team), it was the day when the MCs put up their monthly meeting (cannot miss that at any cost which comes only once in a month), and it was also the night of Shab-e-Borat (for which every thing that I had to do must be done by the sunset)

Too many things to do, too many events to attend, too many loved ones to be with, too much of responsibility to take care of, and too little time to do all of these.

It’s my friend’s birthday she would love to have her close friends with her on this very day. Another great friend of mine wanted to treat only 4 specific people on that very same day and I was one of them, should I turn that down? I cannot afford to miss out the MC meet, otherwise I give my coworkers the chance to bitch about me that Rakib doesn’t care about his sense of responsibilities.

I cannot afford to miss out any one of the above; I cannot push any one of them aside; I cannot afford to choose any one of them OVER the other; I cannot put any one of my loved ones’ feelings down; I cannot afford to allow others to bitch nonsense about me; I got too many things to do but yet too little time.

But alas! At the end of the day, I cannot take ALL of them at a time. At times I have to do more of THIS and less of THAT and at times more of THAT and less of THIS. But I would never want to push any one of THIS or any one of THAT completely aside.

And then you are suddenly charged by all your fellas that if you cut out some time to manage time for THIS, then it means you are giving less priority to THAT; your THIS is more important than THAT; you are not aware that because of THIS, you are loosing out on THAT; you give more priority to THIS and not THAT; you feel more for THIS than you feel for THAT; you don’t want to be there for THAT whereas you can find out time for THIS; after all these days has THIS started to mean more important to you than THAT?

--------- at this point don’t you feel like taking the earth in one hand and rolling it out of your way?

I did feel like tossing the world out of my way, and trust me; at a point like this, it’s one really really really nasty feeling. Some people simply do not understand the massive dilemma that you are in.

What was my mistake? Just that I loved and cared about every friend, every family and every other part of my life so much that I fail to choose any particular thing OVER the other. What was my mistake? Just that I desperately WANT to be with everyone and everything that make my life so much precious.

You are seeing see that people don’t understand the state of dilemma that you are in and you are also seeing that none of them even cares to try to understand the state of dilemma that you are in. I don’t know how many of you readers would actually understand how i feel right now, but I believe there are at least one or two of you in some corner who would understand the way I felt.

it's One NASTY Feeling!!!!!! Isn’t it?